Princess Hug

This is one of the funniest joke I have ever read!

Guys. Must. Read.

I will try to translate this article to English, in the meanwhile, please bear with my poor English.

Original Chinese Article from Re: [認真] 畜生不如

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唉 我也來說一下我的往事好了

 Aihhh, I'm going to tell my real life story.

故事很短 沒有啥西施 我也不擅長說故事

It's a short story, not a big deal, I'm not a good storyteller though.

不喜歡的可以先←離開了

If you are a hater, please leave now.

事情發生在ICQ的那個年代 (現在想起來好懷念ICQ喔 Q_Q)

Story happened long long time ago - in ICQ era (I miss ICQ Q_Q)

ICQ有一個功能就可以去找地區/姓別/年齡 去加好友
(現在好像只剩下 skype有這功能 不過都被腰斬很多掉了)

ICQ had a feature which is you can search friends by using details such as Area/Sex/Age

(Now all those functions had been removed in messenger except for Skype)

因為那些功能 那時候認識不少國高中正妹(我剛升高一)

Because of that cool features, I met a lot of secondary school MMs

結果有次也是假借聊天的名義去一個國3的女生家客廳裡聊天

One day, I used the reason of chatting and went to a Form3 girl's house.

聊著聊著就聊到了A片去了 (好像每個當畜生的起手式都是聊去A片的話題吼)

After some chit chat, our topic became hot and sexy porn stuff (I think most of the bastards used porn topic as ice breaking tool)

後來又聊著聊著 全身都脫光光了 (麻糬D奶)

We continue to chit chat and in the end we are both naked (She's a D cup!)

那時候心想 今天終於可以破處了 緊張得要死

At that time, I thought that this is the day! I'm going to lose my virginity. I'm so fricking nervous.

後來因為客廳地板真的冷冰冰的 我就跟他說去他房間繼續 (當時只進展到C)

Because of the living room's floor was so cold, I told her that let's go into the room to proceed our action.

我就很紳士用公主抱的方式把她抱進房間

Being a gentleman, I lifted her up and gave her a princess hug.

不抱還好 一抱起才才發現這女的........不下呂布......

Once I hugged her, I realized I did something that I truly regret.

踏馬的好重喔

She's mother f***ing super HEAVY!

可是我又愛面子 硬是要抱她進房間

But I have to take care of my dignity, I die die also want to carry her into her room.

結局應該有很多人想到了

I think many of you can imagined the consequence.

那時候我的注意力只有要撐住不要讓她摔下去

By that time, I focused all of my energy on my hands to carry her, so that I will not drop her down.

淑不知用公主抱的方式根本沒有辦法進房間的門

But I didn't realize we can't pass the door with our princess hug style.

結果 橫著竹竿進門的故事大家都聽過吧

I believe that you can imagine a scene that I was holding a bamboo stick to enter a door.

嗯 沒錯 我一不小心 就狠狠的把她的頭跟腳往她家的牆壁撞下去

Yes, correct, I accidentally, brutally, furiously, viciously fricking knocked her head and legs on the door frame.

然後不撞還好 一撞下去我的腿就軟了

Well, nothing worst can happen, right? You're wrong. This is not the ending. The seconds right after the vicious bump, my legs suddenly lost its energy.

然後她就活生生的滾下去了

Then, she was rolling, you hatin', and she fell down.

我為了接住她 就採跪姿的方式去抱她

To prevent her from felling directly to ground, I.MUST.CATCH.HER.
Thus, I kneel down and tried to catch her again.

結果.......

In the end......

她被我腰折了
(Ultimate waist breaker!)

當天 我馬上被趕出去

After that, I was immediately evicted out from her house.

我不只連畜生都當不成

I'm not only a bastard who didn't lose my virginity

還畜生不如 Q_Q

I'm a 100% failure for being a bastard

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No wonder when I gave JenJen a princess hug, she shouted like there's no tomorrow.

LOL.



I like jokes. I'm happy. I like to make my readers happy too.

-closedown-